The end of every school year is fraught with instances of celebration and disappointment. Gifted programs and private schools are making final decisions for the next year. Colleges are sending out their acceptance letters. Students of all ages (and their parents) are holding their breath, waiting for a much anticipated “yes” or “no”.
The question is: Once you know the answer, where do you go from there?
A “yes” can mean a big change for you and your child.
Surprisingly, it can be tricky to celebrate success and acceptance. Here, we’ll share some helpful tips for parents.
How to celebrate success with your child
Someday your child may find themselves getting exactly what they wanted. Their hard work pays off and they land the role, the admission letter, or the score. This is certainly cause for celebration – and there are specific ways to go about it that will help your child internalize the success in a positive manner.
Focus on your child’s celebration style
How does your child want to celebrate? They may not be interested in a huge party, even if that’s what you would prefer. They may want to keep it low-key and celebrate at home. Just like each child has their own method of learning, they also likely have a preferred method of celebrating – and it may not match up with yours. Make sure the celebration is appropriate for your child’s personality.
The more you keep the focus on your child, the better. It’s their accomplishment and allowing them to take ownership over the mode of celebration will increase their sense of satisfaction.
Emphasize what they did right to lead to this acceptance
Successes rarely pop into existence with no prior preparation. Odds are, no matter what you’re celebrating, your child put in a significant amount of effort to get there. Whether it was prepping for an admissions test or showing their leadership skills through clubs and organizations, take a moment to recognize the specific actions that worked well for them.
Doing this allows them to see their achievement as the culmination of dedicated action, rather than happenstance or a one-time occurrence. If they recognize the habits that led to success once, they’re more likely to repeat them in the future.
Be genuine and specific in your praise
Everyone wants to hear that they’re doing a great job, but it’s even better to get specific. Tell your child exactly why you’re proud of them. Even better, ask them if they are proud of themselves – and if so, what they are proud of? This gives them a chance to self-reflect on their efforts, empowering them to take ownership of their actions and recognize what worked well.
What to do when your child is accepted into a new program
When the celebration revolves around admittance to a new school or a new program, it can be exciting – and overwhelming. Transitioning into a new academic environment requires preparation and can lead to anxiety for both parent and child. Here are a few ways to tackle this:
Spend time at the new school as a whole family
You may have already done this before applying, but it’s worth taking time to tour the school as a family once more. See as much of the facility as you can and try to get a feel for how the program runs on a daily basis. Perhaps you can sit in on a class or shadow a student for a day.
The same applies for a program within a school your child is already attending. The more you can learn about the program, the easier it will be on your child’s nerves.
Connect with new classmates before school starts
Some schools have official meet and greets or new student programs where your child can meet peers before the school year starts. If this doesn’t exist at your new school, ask administration if it’s possible to set one up yourself. Just like touring the school, meeting classmates can ease anxiety since your child will have some familiar faces when the school year starts.
This is a great opportunity for you, as well. You’ll be able to meet the teachers and other parents, allowing you to feel more comfortable within the new environment.
Discuss your new routine with your child
A new school means a new routine, regardless of whether it’s a big or a small change. For example, if your child is moving to a dorm for college, the routine change is huge. Your child will carry many responsibilities that are brand new, and they may need to pick up a few skills that were taken care of for them at home.
If your child is younger and moving to another school in your town, the routine change may be less drastic. Even so, it still needs to be addressed. Even small tweaks to a routine can cause anxiety, so the more prepared your child feels, the better. Work with your child to review the weekly schedule. Make sure they know what time they will be leaving for school and returning home, what transportation they will be taking, and any changes to extracurricular activities. If possible, physically walk them through their schedule at least once before their first day so it feels more familiar.
Monitor your child’s emotions
Your child might be excited about their new school or program with no anxiety at all, but this is rarely the case. Keep an eye on your child, keeping in mind that they may not tell you they’re worried. Make sure you let them know that the space to talk to you is available, if they want. Even if they say no, it’s often reassuring for your child to know that you’re there should they change their mind.
Once the new program is underway, check in regularly. Talk to them about how they are feeling so you can talk through any worries with them as they occur. You can also keep in regular contact with your child’s teachers, providing another line of defense if your child seems to be anxious or upset.
Managing change in a supportive environment
Change always has the potential to be difficult. Whether you’re celebrating a success or helping your child manage a recent disappointment, it’s most important that they feel supported. Regardless of outcome, when your child takes ownership over their actions, their results, and the lessons that come from them, they’ll develop lifelong habits that will serve them well.
