Every parent wants their child to fit in, make friends, and thrive among their peers. But most parents also know how difficult a task that can be. Think back to your own years in school. Odds are, there were bullies who made life difficult. In today’s modern age, it’s only gotten worse — because now, there are also cyber bullies to contend with.
But what is cyber bullying, exactly, and how do you protect your children from it? In a world where everyone is connected all the time, it might feel insurmountable. Luckily, parents can help their children identify and respond appropriately to cyber bullies.
What is cyber bullying?
In-person bullying has unfortunately taken place for decades in the school setting. When you think of “bullying” it’s probably what comes to mind first. But online bullying presents a new concern for children and families in today’s technological age. According to stopbullying.gov, an organization dedicated to helping kids identify bullies, cyber bullying takes place through email, text messaging, social media networks, websites, or even interactive video games.
Cyber bullying often includes posting or sharing false or hurtful information about someone with the goal of hurting and embarrassing them. Often, these actions are pervasive and repeated, which only makes matters worse. While a one-time incident is certainly upsetting, bullying tends to be a regular, targeted pattern.
Why is cyber bullying so harmful?
Stopbullying.gov notes that bullying that happens online is particularly challenging to curb because of three big factors:
Persistence
Online bullying tends to feed on itself. It invites commentary and can extend over a long period of time. Many kids hide behind pseudonyms or fake accounts, which allows them to remain anonymous.
In contrast to bullying that only takes place at school, today’s kids are online so frequently that cyber bullying doesn’t have an “off time.” Offensive texts or social media posts can happen at any time of the day or night, so kids are never free from worrying about it.
Permanence
While not everything online sticks around, much of the information posted is there forever. Unlike in-person bullying, which often happens in a moment and then becomes an unhappy memory, cyber bullying sticks around.
Often, even if the bully removes the content online, it can be recovered. Parents can help with this by emphasizing with their children that there is always a cyber trail of their activities, even if they have deleted the content on the original site.
Visibility
Cyber bullying often flies under the radar because it doesn’t involve face-to-face teasing or raised voices; because it is online and even sometimes looks like on task learning behavior, parents and teachers may not notice what’s happening until it’s a real issue.
Additionally, kids and teens often run in different online circles than their parents. This presents bullies with an opportunity to post content that is incredibly visible to their peers — but difficult for adults to find.
What can parents do to fight cyber bullying?
All bullying has long-reaching consequences, and the online version is no different. Regardless of whether your child is on the giving, receiving, or witnessing end of cyber bullying, there are several strategies you can put in place to help protect your child.
Strategy #1: Check for warning signs
Keep an eye out for any change in your child’s behavior. While becoming withdrawn or spending significantly more time online isn’t always a sign of bullying, it is a red flag. If you notice that your child is irritable or acting out of sorts, take note of it. Look for patterns — are they always acting differently after spending time online? When they first come home from school?
Strategy #2:Talk to and support your child
If you notice your child acting strangely, ask open-ended questions that invite them to share. Don’t pressure them or press too hard, but let them know that you’re available to talk if they need someone to confide in.
If your child does choose to share a cyber bullying incident, be patient with them. Being on the receiving end of bullying isn’t easy to talk about. Acknowledge the courage it takes to come forward and, while remaining as calm and comforting as you can, elicit as much information as possible. The more you know, the easier it will be to appropriately document and report any incidents. Support your child emotionally as much as you can, and don’t hesitate to contact an outside therapist or a school guidance counselor if you feel the situation warrants further intervention.
Strategy #3: Revisit cyber safety with your child
It’s impossible to separate your child from the online world in today’s day and age, but that doesn’t mean they can’t learn how to approach the internet safely. By teaching your child how to be smartphone savvy and showing them how to enjoy technology safely, you’ll be ahead of the curve.
Easy boundaries can help curb your child’s time online. For example, limiting the number of apps downloaded onto a tablet, engaging parental controls, and having ample “technology free” time periods at home. Practicing the safe use of social media, video games, and learning apps can help reinforce the idea of respecting the online world and treating it as an extension of the real world.
Strategy #4: Show your child how to identify and react to cyber bullying
As a parent, you can’t do it all. No matter how much you want to protect your child, there will be times when they are on their own. Because of this, it’s important that your child understands what bullying — both offline and online — looks like.
Point out examples of bullying in the media, like television shows or books. Have your child explain what about the behavior counts as bullying and why it’s harmful. Look at the ways different characters react and help guide them towards appropriate responses.
If you’re looking for a good place to start, the book Stanley the Snack-Snatcher follows an offline bully as he wreaks havoc at school. Stanley is a big, mean kid who unapologetically steals other kids’ snacks and will not be reasoned with. His repeated snack thefts scare other students and make them feel unsafe. You can use the all-new audiobook to help your child identify bullying behaviors and how to respond.
Strategy #5: Document incidents and report them
Since bullying often happens more than once, it’s important to keep records. Document any incidents of cyber bullying in as much detail as possible. If you have access to the offending content, take screenshots and pictures. If your child tells you something, write down the information.
After you have gathered thorough documentation, the next step is to report the bullying. Typically, you’ll start by speaking to your child’s school, but you can also report offensive material to the app or website where the offense happened. If you bullying has escalated to serious threats and/or illegal activity you may need to report it to the police.
Learn more about bullying and how to help your child stand up for themselves
No one likes thinking about their child being bullied. That said, it’s far worse to ignore the possibility. When bullies are allowed to act without recourse, the damage can be harsh and permanent. It can impact your child’s sense of safety, personal self-esteem, and confidence.
It’s important to help your child understand bullying and cyber bullying from a young age. Start talking to them early and often about what behavior is acceptable, and what behavior is cruel — both offline and online.
You can start by listening to Stanley the Snack Snatcher together to see what lessons Stanley and the other kids learn about bullying.
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