Parenting is a never-ending roller coaster. Some days you’re on top of the world, and others it feels like you can’t do anything right. It’s near impossible to avoid comparing yourself to other parents, worrying about messing up, and fretting about all the challenges your child may face.
This is particularly true for parents who are focused on helping their child develop their critical thinking skills. The world of education is both vast and complex, whether it’s prepping for a gifted program entrance exam, applying for a private preschool, or looking at college options. As a parent, it’s easy to feel lost, overwhelmed, and uncertain.
Please know that you are not alone. Every parent faces these struggles, and there are ways to show up even when it feels difficult. You already are a superstar parent. And if you want to dig even deeper and support yourself and your child, here are some tips:
Acknowledge your feelings and model self-control
One of the most important life skills you can teach your kids is to acknowledge their feelings, even if it’s not appropriate to act on them. For example, it’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hit or kick because they are angry. This combination of emotional expression and self-restraint will serve them well throughout their school years and into adulthood.
Living at one of the emotional extremes (either not acknowledging feelings or acting out) can cause major issues in relationships and disruptions in learning, so teaching your kids early on will set them up for success. This type of acknowledgement includes telling your children that it’s okay to cry when they’re sad or say out loud that something made them feel angry.
You can model this when you find yourself experiencing the emotional turmoil of adulthood and parenthood. Noticing and naming your own feelings will show your child how to manage them without pushing them aside.
Create a safe environment through consistency
Children thrive when they feel like their circumstances are under control. For example, organized, well-structured classrooms tend to create more engagement than disorganized, unstructured classrooms.
Consistency allows children to feel safe and gives them the freedom to explore within predetermined boundaries. You can apply this idea at home in various ways. A predictable schedule is one way to create this structure, like having dinner at roughly the same time each evening and a consistent bedtime. You can also develop routines around these activities. For example, your child may brush their teeth, drink water, and then read a story before bedtime.
This predictability allows children to know what’s coming next and prevents many behavior problems before they start. It also gives children free reign to explore within their comfortable boundaries. This provides excellent growth opportunities, because children learn best when they aren’t afraid to take risks, fail, or ask questions.
Focus on the positive and learn from the negative
A helpful parenting mantra is “catch them being good.” Look for times your child is helping others, working hard, or otherwise exhibiting behavior you want to see, and praise, praise, praise! When praising your child, be as specific as possible; instead of saying “Great job!,” try “I noticed you helped your sister with her chores. That was really kind of you.” Specific praise tells children what they should do more often.
Obviously not all days are filled with praise-worthy behavior, so allow yourself and your child to learn from mistakes. Think about giving natural consequences; if your child rips a sibling’s paper, have them tape it up and fix it. If your child hurts someone’s feelings, ask them how it would make them feel and encourage a genuine apology. Letting children see the consequences of their actions will teach them much more than unrelated punishments will.
Be present for your child, but take time for yourself
A large part of parenting is just being there. Even if you don’t feel like you’re doing the right thing, your mere presence in your child’s life is huge. That includes showing up to soccer games, family dinners, and weekend activities when you’re able. It also means engaging while you’re there. Turn off your phone, let those thoughts of grocery lists and work projects go, and just enjoy being with your children. They will remember it for years to come.
One easy way to stay present is to create a set time and place in the house for studying. You can work with your child to design a study space that promotes active learning. Once created, this can be a place you and your child meet regularly to focus on learning activities together.
In the midst of all this together time, don’t forget to recharge your batteries. This is so difficult for busy parents to accomplish, but even a five minute breather can do wonders for your ability to focus and compartmentalize.
Lead by example
Saying the right thing is important, but even more important is doing the right thing. Let your child see firsthand what it looks like to work hard, help others, and be kind and honest. Don’t be afraid to talk directly with your children about the actions you take and the reasons behind it.
It’s also important to model what it looks like to not know the right answer. Whether you’re debating a big decision or simply don’t know the answer to one of your child’s math problems, you can show them what it looks like to work through problems.
Demonstrate positive character traits
Similar to leading by example is directly teaching your child the character traits you want to see in your children. Support and encourage them, but it isn’t enough to tell them they can do anything they put their minds to; work with them to demonstrate how to make their goals a reality.
Some of the most important character traits you can teach your children, like perseverance, empathy, and self-respect, come from direct experience. This means providing your child with opportunities to meet others who are different from them, set and try to achieve specific goals, and learn from their mistakes.
Take care of yourself and seek out support
The oxygen mask cliché is used so often because it’s true. You have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others. This is the most difficult and the most true for parenting. If you’re exhausted, overworked, and empty, you can’t be a present and supportive parent for your child. Take a moment to think about what recharges you. It doesn’t need to be an expensive spa day; instead it might be a quick walk around the block, a cup of coffee without interruption, or an evening snuggled up with a good book.
Work with your support system to carve out times for things that recharge you. Find members of your community who can work with you where your challenged. Organizations like The Critical Thinking Child exist to help take some of the pressure of parenting off of your shoulders. We understand how difficult it can be, and want to make sure you have the tools you need to feel renewed and ready to enjoy the journey with them.
Could you benefit from support around helping your child develop critical thinking skills, build confidence, and have fun learning? Find out how The Critical Thinking Child can help.
Sources Used:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-great-parents-do/201501/10-things-great-parents-do
https://medium.com/thrive-global/10-things-responsible-parents-do-and-5-they-dont-85a17c1c601d
